On Sept. 12, Apple placed a news release about the iPhone 5 on their website. Its 14 paragraphs describe the new features, design and pricing. The goal was an official statement from Apple about the new product so everyone receives the same correct information.
In the first paragraph, the writer repeats the descriptions from paragraph one, but the descriptions are now quoted. It makes the reader question the writer’s AP style and creativity. Also, part of the quote is incorrectly punctuated, which again serves to discredit the writer. The quote itself too is opinionated and biased, but that can be expected as it is clearly endorsed and written by Apple employees.
The descriptive paragraphs each contain a high number of adjectives. The writers for Apple want to create excitement and buzz for their product, which explains the loose writing. However, adjectives are repeated, which takes away from the excitement and makes the writing monotonous.
The writing throughout is not tight writing and the language is more complex than news writing. The bias is evident but expected because it is on their website. On the positive side, the news release can be easily scanned as each paragraph begins with the topic feature. Also, the headline is specific and context free. The deck between the headline and the body creates intrigue and suspense to trap the reader.
Overall the news release does not follow expected AP style. However, the audience intended is readers of the Apple website, not journalists. It serves to inform people interested in Apple but does not offer unbiased, well-rounded information.
Lady Create-a-lot is a blog mainly for women looking for crafts. She has a background in design and creativity. She uses the blog to show her ideas, how she makes crafts, and how to make things in a low-cost way. The blog is informal with pictures to demonstrate her projects. In her 57 posts, she tagged projects ranging from house renovation to recipes.
She uses concise writing to save characters. She uses most of the space in each post for pictures. She uses first person, which is normal for blogs. The writing is short blurbs between pictures for easy scanning. Labels along the side panel also provide easy scanning and navigation for readers looking for specific information.
Page titles are specific explaining exactly which craft the reader will find. Each page title begins with the blog name then includes the post title. She uses key words with labels on the side panel and in each post with what potential readers might search. Post titles, or headlines, are cute to create interest and specific. Headlines are also context free. They could be improved by leading with the most important words.
None of the posts include a deck. The blog also doesn’t have subheadings because the posts are too short. She uses lists effectively for short information. Links are not included in the body copy but are at the end of each post so readers can go to similar posts. Each link is marked by a label rather than “click here,” which provides no important information. She does not use AP style but her style fits the audience. She uses unnecessary adjectives but it helps to create interest in her subject.
Overall, Lady Create-a-lot uses her blog for writing about crafts in way readers find interesting and entertaining. Her concerns are conciseness and understanding. She meets those goals well through her writing.
Alloy is a teen clothing company. Each season’s catalog is free for subscribers and previous purchasers. The company offers reasonably priced clothing including jeans, dresses, tops, shoes and accessories. Products are similar to Delias and Charlotte Russe but instead only online or by mail. Along with the catalog, the website includes editorial content similar to an online magazine. Content ranges from blogs, gossip, guys and quizzes.
The blog section includes opinion and limited facts. Some health posts had tips but offered no sources to back up the claims. However, they used bulleted lists appropriately with bolded lead-ins to improve scanning. They also have helpful reviews over TV shows and books that their audience would find interesting.
The writing style reflects the audience, teen girls, and keeps it simple and fun. The headlines prove this as they are cute and clever rather than concise and to the point. These headlines do not provide easy navigation if a reader is looking for specific information as they are not context free.
Based on the layout and writing style, the website is built for browsing in spare time for fun, not for specific information. The writing is short and not thought-provoking. However, it works for the website and its audience. It could be improved with links to other parts of the site to increase browsing and simplify navigation. There are no in-text links but only links to other similar articles at the end.
Overall, the website is set up for visual attractiveness and short attention spans. The site would be ineffective as informational but works well for its teenage audience.